Tag Archives: Single motherland

No Time for Sick

By: Mia L. Hazlett
11/6/2014
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So about a month ago I thought I was having a heart attack. Seriously. My chest had a horrible squeezing pain and my breathing became strained. Most people would rush to 911 and get themselves to the nearest ER. As a single mother, that was not an option. I could still walk and talk, so I contemplated if I should go or wait until I got to work, I mean I do work for the emergency departments of one of Boston’s finest hospitals.

The pain worsened, so over the next hour I planned my trip to the hospital. I first called my daughters’ father. I always have and always will call him first to take care of his children if I cannot. He was at work and had to find coverage. I didn’t have that kind of time.

I called my cousins and didn’t get an answer. Then I called my brother. I held on to strength and tried not to cry as I told him I needed to go to the hospital. I went into the bedroom and told my girls to pack up their clothes and that their uncle was coming to get them. I then experienced a bittersweet moment. My oldest ordered her sister to pack her clothes, toothbrush, and to be sure she had her school stuff for the next day. I was proud I raised her to be so responsible, but saddened at the same time that she was the backup me. It’s not a child’s job to take care of her parent.

Continue reading No Time for Sick

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Birds of a Feather…

By: Mia L. Hazlett
11/6/14

flock of migrating canada geese birdsThere’s this woman I know.  We’ve been through it all together.  I believe that is the reason God has not only put her in my life, but has kept her in my life for over 20 years.  We’ve walked in each other’s shoes.  Our lives are so similar, it’s scary.

Over the past two days our lives have been turned upside down.  Not because a mutual event has rocked us, but because somehow we are both dealing with circumstances beyond our control.

We are two amazing women who fell in love, got married and started families.  I’m not saying it was in that exact order, but you get the point.  Unfortunately, somewhere along the line, the love and marriage fell off, but our children remained.

We were suddenly thrust into the role of raising our children by ourselves.   Continue reading Birds of a Feather…

Build Your Village

By: Mia L. Hazlett

“I’m a strong independent black woman. I don’t need a man.” I spouted this ignorance to create a portrait of I’m not sure what, so many times. Not only am I unsure of my reasoning, but I honestly feel it was so others would think I had my shit together, when I didn’t. But I’ve come to discover, bravado is wonderful in the absence of humility.

I say this because it was a lie. At my weakest, I became dependent. I am not gay and want to be in a relationship, so therefore to do that I need a man. The funniest part about that saying, I’ve heard it said by tons of women, who are either in a relationship with a man or hunting for a man to be in a relationship with. Continue reading Build Your Village

Burnt Out

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When I have these weeks where I burn myself out, I have to remember where I was just four years ago. I used to say things like, “I would do anything to be busy or be late for something.” I was 15 months unemployed and wondering if I would ever be employed again.

Now I’m overbooked and running on empty. I never dreamed I would be raising my kids by myself. Don’t get me wrong, you know I’m a Village believer, and I have a wonderful Village that helps me out. But ultimately, when my alarm goes off at 4 am and my eyes just shut 4 hours before, it’s all me.

I guess my message is, reach out to those who love you more than you can love or even take care of yourself when you are ready to jump off that cliff. I reached out to my BFF yesterday, because I was ready to leap. I sent a quick text to her. I demand perfection from myself and now I was stretched at every end. Work was overwhelming, I had a term paper due and a final to study for, softball and sneaker shopping, and get this, my kids want dinner every night.

So, on 4 hours of sleep for the past 4 nights, my workday came to an end yesterday and I was ready to leave. I prepared for the next day, grabbed my jacket, pushed in my chair, shut the light off, and closed my office door. I forgot to walk through it before I closed it. It was dark. I was then at a stop light and the people behind me were honking their horns at me. One jerk came around my car and flipped me off. It wasn’t a stop light. It was a stop SIGN. I was waiting for it to turn green.

I started crying at that moment. I knew I was burnt out, but as any single mother knows, we schedule our pity parties into our free time. My commute is my free time. I was rushing, (late mind you and having my father pick my kids up) to my daughter’s softball game. By the time I sat at her game, I had been driving for 2 and a half hours. But, as Supermom, I couldn’t just watch her game, I had to study for my final too, so I pulled out my textbook and read at the same time.

Just in time, my BFF called when I was about to cry. My daughter’s coach said, “Good job Jazzy,” and I looked up in time to see her throw the ball in. I missed a play. BFF once again talked me off the cliff. My daughter stepped up to bat and we both cheered her on. I realized at that point, her godmother had attended every softball game too. She refuses to send child support, but I’m okay with that, as long as she continues to attend her games from 2000 miles away.

By the time I climbed into bed at 11 (because I was going to bed early) I had submitted my term paper, fed my kids, prepared for today, but I knew I had forgotten something. I forgot to eat. But I’m grateful. I’m not where I was four years ago.

If The Grass Looks Greener

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If you are one of my motherland neighbors who lost her man to some other woman and she is still in the picture; take comfort.

I know right now it may seem as if that bitch won. But ask yourself what did she really win?

At first she thought she won the big cute bear who was just hanging there alone ignored by the mean ugly old lady.

If its been more than a week or two she has already realized that the damn thing is poorly made and the stuffing is coming out.

At least with my circle I’ve seen; the men who did this chose women who were a little more controllable, had a little less going for them. Surprising women who were less domestically inclined.

Watch for signs of brown patches
Do you ever get random calls or texts where he asks you about how you make a dish, or hinting around about wanting to hang out or hook up? As you know from living with him he never does something for no reason.
These are early signs that its not so great over there.

When the grass is really green he pays child support on time, he only calls to talk to the kids and he shows up on schedule to pick them up and drop them off.

When things aren’t as great as they seem he looks bad, getting fat or super skinny, he’s moody and he’s trying to figure out what you’re doing.

She on the other side is being judged for not being as good as you. She’s wondering where he is or who he’s laughing with on the phone… Probably you.

Don’t blame her. Just like any other girl she met a guy who seemed nice, and maybe he told her about the bad evil person that you are and how you’re “almost divorced” or he didn’t mention you at all.

She’s at home behind her white picket fence waiting for that man looking out the window admiring the green grass and wondering “what’s that smell”.

Also Read Greener Grass