Tag Archives: separation

The Other Side

Mia LNature_Mountains_Snow-capped_mountains_on_the_horizon_030168_. Hazlett

After 7 years of separation and battling the courts for a simple court date, my storm ended last week.  While our eighteen year relationship will continue, our twelve year marriage came to an end.

Throughout the years of our separation it has been a constant emotional storm for me.  I’m not the person who stays friends with the ex.  It’s not who I am.  If we’re over, we’re over.  I have enough friends in my life; I don’t need to start adding exes to that list.

But this guy.  I’m stuck with this guy.  We have two beautiful daughters together and every Sunday for a few hours, he shows up.  For birthday parties and Christmas, he’s there.  That’s how co-parenting works.  That’s how the love for our children works.  And we do love our children.  Because we love them, we even attempted reconciliation for a few months here and there. But I realized I had moved on in my life.  God was moving me forwards, not backwards.

The misconception that many people have is that divorce is easy.  It’s not.  Even though we’ve had years of separation, we’ve also been a part of each others’ lives for almost two decades.  I get it; there are a massive amount of couples who have to have a strict court order in able to function through the parenting aspect of the relationship.

We didn’t want a court to dictate the relationship with our children or with each other for that matter.  We sat next to each other laughing and joking in the courtroom. We battled emotions and discussed not going through with it, but I thought God finally put me here after 7 years.  We stood outside for an hour after being evacuated for a bomb scare.  We both shared the same feeling, “maybe this is a sign.”

It wasn’t.  We returned to the courtroom and our 12 years ended in less than 10 minutes.  It was heartbreaking, and I allowed my heart to break for a week.  But then I shut down the pity party and began making plans for THE OTHER SIDE.

© 2016 Mia L. Hazlett

Advertisements

To the Next

By: Mia Hazlett
4/11/13

Hello,

We have yet to meet.  God has been working on me, as well as on you.  Let me tell you, He had a lot of work to do.  He first had me deal with undesirable life circumstances.  It was the best thing He could have ever done both for me and for you.

You see, to deal with my marital separation, my transition from two-parent income to one, homelessness of over two years, unemployment for the same length, led me to define who I am today.  Not only do I know who I’ve become, but I’m secure in being this incredible woman.

So how does this benefit you as well?  I’ve dealt with my past and left it there.  You don’t have to compete with my past, because I’ve refused to allow it to become my present and have taken the lessons, to avoid it repeating itself in the future.

I’ve also waited for you.  I did not rush to find someone to fill a sudden void and dishonor my faith.   I waited patiently on God, and asked Him to craft you for me, for He knows me better than I know myself.  Not only does he know the desires of my heart, but he knows who is best for me.  He has restored my heart to love freely again, because there are no past burdens that I continue to carry.

I’m happy I waited for you.  You are an honest man of God, integrity, and value.  I have an unwavering faith that God made you for me and me for you.

With Love, Respect, and Appreciation,

Mia

With the Past Behind

By: Mia L. Hazlett
4/3/13

Let go. Let go. Let go. Let God. Let God. Let God.

You want to know who I am? I am the daughter of God, who was filled with a heart’s passion to write and be an exceptional mother. I am an educated professional who supports her family on a single income, but I am not a single mother. I am a dreamer to some, but not to myself. How is it a dream if I made it come true? https://www.createspace.com/3747445 Yes. I made my dream come true. I wanted to write and publish a book. I wrote and published a book.

My book came from letting go of my past. What you’ve just read about who I am, was not how I always felt about myself. I had to give up everything to be in my present mindset. I left a horrendous employer. I separated from my husband. I moved out of our apartment. In all of these endeavors of finality, I brought along with me my two daughters.

I realized my life had come down to keys and a title. I no longer had house keys. I no longer had keys to an office. Above all, I had turned in a job title and marital status. I was a grown woman with no job, no home of my own, and now checked separated, instead of married. I held the key to my car and the title of mother. I was at the point, where I had to let go of my past and have faith in my future. I had to let go and let God take control. I did.

Presently – there has been almost complete restoration. I’m living in a beautiful new home. I have a wonderful job. I bought a new car. So yeah, you figured it out, I’ve remained single throughout this all. I’ve dated, but my heart and mind are not ready.

As I finally come up on my divorce, I realize I had to let go of my past relationships, so that God may bring new in this area of my life. I’ve had to say good-bye to the bad and the good. I’ve learned many things about myself from all of them, but to move on, I’ve had to close the door. That’s right, I’m finally at a point in my life, where I close the door, instead of letting God do it for me. I am so thankful that I let go and let God.

I Think: Honesty

By: Mia L. Hazlett
2/5/13

How do you get through it…divorce that is? Honesty. You have to be honest with yourself and the role you played in the demise of the happiness that once existed between you and your spouse. The most honest thing I can say about my marriage as a Christian, it was not God’s plan, it was mine. All mine. I wanted to get married because I was pregnant. All three of us were going to have the same last name. It’s as simple as that. I got married for a last name, which is now, not the last name I use.

It wasn’t just some magical idea that popped in my head when I found out I was pregnant. This was the way I was raised; you marry the father of your children. It wasn’t even something I gave a second thought. However, I hold myself completely responsible for not investigating if he was raised with the same values. It was unprotected sex, prior to truly getting to know the important details about this person.

Therefore, we got married and had another daughter. That’s when my reality began to sink in that we were incompatible. Unfortunately, when you’re stubborn and bullheaded, it’s not your fault, it’s theirs. I patted myself on the back for being flawless, all the while waiting for him to change so he could be perfect like me. Unbelievably, it never happened. Somehow, my perfection wasn’t contagious, and I was falling out of love and no longer liked this imperfect stranger in my house.

At this point, close to four years separated, I accept that person for who he is. I’ve learned that God doesn’t make mistakes, humans do. Who he is, is who he is. Who I am, is who I am. He didn’t need to change to make me happy. I didn’t need to change to make him happy. We needed to stay true and honest to who we were. I chose to follow my heart and my plan to make things happily ever after…well that didn’t work so much. But as for staying with the honesty thing, we sure did make two beautiful daughters.

I Think: It’s OVER!

images

By: Mia L. Hazlett

2/1/13

 Divorce.  It’s a common word.  Telling people you are divorced or going through a divorce, really doesn’t raise any eyebrows these days.  It’s common enough that it falls out of the mouths of children with ease.  “Yeah, my parents are divorced.  No biggie.  I see my mom.  I see my dad.  My grandparents are divorced too,” I heard one of my daughter’s friend explain to her.  My daughter remained silent as the group gathered up their bikes and peddled off to the playground.

I believe she was silent, because I don’t treat divorce as if it is nothing.  I want her to find marriage commonplace, not divorce.  It’s 100 times as hard to do this since her father and I have been separated for the past almost four years, and I’ve finally found peace and closure, so I can move towards divorce.

When we first separated, I was filled with so much anger and hatred, but as the custodial parent and basically the sole provider for my family, I didn’t have time to wallow in my circumstances.  I embarked on a tumultuous journey of hardship and loss, which led to over two years of depending on my parents and BFF for life’s basic essentials.

Now that I’ve found employment and have my own place, I’ve now been able to deal with me.  The past few years has been all about finding employment, taking care of my children, and getting us our own house.  This is the first time I’ve been able to breathe and depend on some sort of regularity in my life. 

Only those really close to me know the battle I’ve had about filing for divorce.  One, because they’ve walked in my shoes.  Two, they’ve prayed for our reconciliation, but now understand they want what’s best for me, since they’ve finally gotten to see the old me and meet the new me.  Three, they don’t devalue my feelings as to why this was a hard decision.  They’ve never discredited why I would want to try to rekindle a marriage with a man, who for the past four years has been living with and is engaged to another thing (sorry, not a big fan of things that accept proposals from married men – I’m a work in progress), while his family has suffered against poverty and homelessness. 

My blog, Mommy Not Friend, www.jandmpublishingcompany.com, looks at how I am raising my daughters to be virtuous women in the midst of this separation and divorce process.  However, I started that blog last year, at the beginning of my peace.  I wanted to vent, convey, chronicle, and let go, of what this divorce is putting my family and me through here, because I began writing on this blog when there were still moments of happiness in my marriage.