Category Archives: Single Motherland

No Time for Sick

By: Mia L. Hazlett
11/6/2014
sick
So about a month ago I thought I was having a heart attack. Seriously. My chest had a horrible squeezing pain and my breathing became strained. Most people would rush to 911 and get themselves to the nearest ER. As a single mother, that was not an option. I could still walk and talk, so I contemplated if I should go or wait until I got to work, I mean I do work for the emergency departments of one of Boston’s finest hospitals.

The pain worsened, so over the next hour I planned my trip to the hospital. I first called my daughters’ father. I always have and always will call him first to take care of his children if I cannot. He was at work and had to find coverage. I didn’t have that kind of time.

I called my cousins and didn’t get an answer. Then I called my brother. I held on to strength and tried not to cry as I told him I needed to go to the hospital. I went into the bedroom and told my girls to pack up their clothes and that their uncle was coming to get them. I then experienced a bittersweet moment. My oldest ordered her sister to pack her clothes, toothbrush, and to be sure she had her school stuff for the next day. I was proud I raised her to be so responsible, but saddened at the same time that she was the backup me. It’s not a child’s job to take care of her parent.

Continue reading No Time for Sick

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Birds of a Feather…

By: Mia L. Hazlett
11/6/14

flock of migrating canada geese birdsThere’s this woman I know.  We’ve been through it all together.  I believe that is the reason God has not only put her in my life, but has kept her in my life for over 20 years.  We’ve walked in each other’s shoes.  Our lives are so similar, it’s scary.

Over the past two days our lives have been turned upside down.  Not because a mutual event has rocked us, but because somehow we are both dealing with circumstances beyond our control.

We are two amazing women who fell in love, got married and started families.  I’m not saying it was in that exact order, but you get the point.  Unfortunately, somewhere along the line, the love and marriage fell off, but our children remained.

We were suddenly thrust into the role of raising our children by ourselves.   Continue reading Birds of a Feather…

Not My Mother’s Day

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I clearly remember my first mothers day.

I was about 7 months pregnant with my first child.

I was glowing.

I had a nice brunch, a few gifts and nice cards I was so exited it was gonna be like having two birthdays.

But then things didn’t work out and I ended up on my own.

So now, Mother’s Day for me is a day where I cook and clean, play with the kids, do hair and get everyone in bed early, because they have school on Monday.

Continue reading Not My Mother’s Day

How to Get Him Out of Your System

This morning I was feeling a little broken. Yesterday started and ended with a barfing toddler.

It’s in these moments where I am like “dammit he should be doing some of this”. I get temped to call him and go off!

So, in an attempt at diversion and self healing I started wandering around on Facebook, and found a post on a women’s encouragement group that I belong to that instantly snapped me back to reality.

As the video begins, I’m thinking; I know most of this stuff, it’s what I write about (right on sister) but hearing it come out of someone else’s mouth does help.

But…this other thing she brought up. This idea that I just recently read about really struck me. {See: Male DNA in women’s brains after pregnancy Hutchinson Cancer Center study}

Continue reading How to Get Him Out of Your System

Things to Do in the MEantime

By: Mia L. Hazlett

10/5/13

There is a MEantime that exist while I wait for The Next.  Life must continue and I’ve gotten to the point that I must continue to work on me and continue to become the woman I want to be when I grow up.  Deep down in my soul, I know I have not even reached a fraction of who God has created me to be.  I wake up at 4 before the sun rises.  In mere weeks, I will be coming home after the sun has come down.  I run myself frantic during the day getting my work done in a windowless 8×6 room for eight hours.

That’s not what my life has come down to.  It’s a wonderful job that has exposed me to wonderful people and a network worth knowing in life, but it’s not it for me.  My passion is writing.  That’s what I need to nurture.  That’s what is going to make me whole.  It won’t matter who The Next is, if I feel unfulfilled in this area of my life.  I’ve finally gotten to the point in my life where I know my happiness is my responsibility.  A man is not going to make me happy, writing, my God given gift, will.

That is not to say I am some lone warrior who wants to conquer the rest of my life alone.  But I’ve become  extremely selective about who gets to where The Next title.  Call me arrogant or hung up on myself, but I have expectations that I will not lower.  For instance, I grabbed a bite to eat the other night with a guy I used to see.  It wasn’t a date, it was meeting up after work.  Everything went well until  bill time came. I went to the bathroom and upon my return, the waitress was handing his card back saying there were insufficient funds.  I giggled to myself, because throughout my sporadic dating, I always ask God for a sign.  I didn’t even ask for a sign this time.

Throughout this dinner, this kind man had mentioned how he wanted to be in a serious relationship,  how that is what he was ready for in his life right now.  I thought that was a very bold statement.  Up until now, I had only heard how they weren’t ready for anything serious.  He did end up paying for the meal somehow, and we spent an awkward ten minutes at the table, he stating the reason for his finances and me wondering how I could be a single mother with two kids, have paid all my bills in the past week, and still have afforded this meal ten times over?

I didn’t hear from him for about four days and when he did send a text, he was asking when he could see me next.  I was honest and told him I doubt it would happen.  At this point in my life I needed someone who was financially stable and capable of taking me out for a quick bite to eat after work.  I told him that I come with kids, and one day we would all be out to eat.  He proceeded to call me a gold digger and tell me he wasn’t looking to support anyone and that he was not hurting for money by any means.  Okay.

I was hurt that he thought of me as a gold digger, so I went to a knowledgeable source of she who knows everything, my BFF.  She told me I should have responded “me too.”  She relayed that I knew the situation, no matter what he told me.  I would be in a situation of supporting this man who did not have his finances where mine were and I should not feel bad about it.  It was a short lived guilt.  I can’t waiver from my expectations.  I can’t fall short of who God wants me to become.  And if I’ve learned anything in life, lowered expectations are no longer an option.

Your Value

MyvalueThis week I have been in a number of conversations with women where they were unsure of how much abuse, and bad behavior was appropriate to accept from a partner or potential partner.

I was one of those women.

Let me start by saying you should get as good as you give. The love and support you give should be reciprocated.

If you work hard to take care of your family, your partner should do the same.

Continue reading Your Value

Five Tips for Devising Your Plan B

pole alternativesAs many of you know my friends have inspired this series.

These are strong beautiful women who began as women in love with a man. They were part of a family.

Then over time something happened, and one day they hit the final straw and that family fell apart.

The plan was for them, man and woman to work together to keep their home and raise those children.

But as we all know plans change.

Many of our grandmothers told us to have a backup plan. A little extra money set aside “for a rainy day”

Continue reading Five Tips for Devising Your Plan B