Category Archives: single parenting

Yes You Can

By: Mia L. Hazlett

6/29/15

There was this night that come about in my marriage when my husband and I separated. I was devastated. The only thing that came to mind was, how am I going to do this by myself? “This”, was how do I raise my daughters alone. I automatically put myself in every stereotypical statistical category and felt hopeless. What would I do as a single black divorced mother? How would I survive? How would I raise them to not become like me? What was going to happen? I even researched stories about marital and professional success of women raised without fathers. Every hope and dream I had for my daughters went out the window the night I stood over them as their single mother.

As I reflect six years later, that night is not laughable, but memorable. I had reason to fear and be concerned for my daughters’ future. It was not my plan to raise my daughters by myself. But it wasn’t just about raising them, it was about surviving on a single income. How? I had seen two of my closest friends confront this struggle and in my eyes perform flawlessly. Even though throughout the years I saw their tears and listened to their pain, I knew they had so much more strength than I did.

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No Time for Sick

By: Mia L. Hazlett
11/6/2014
sick
So about a month ago I thought I was having a heart attack. Seriously. My chest had a horrible squeezing pain and my breathing became strained. Most people would rush to 911 and get themselves to the nearest ER. As a single mother, that was not an option. I could still walk and talk, so I contemplated if I should go or wait until I got to work, I mean I do work for the emergency departments of one of Boston’s finest hospitals.

The pain worsened, so over the next hour I planned my trip to the hospital. I first called my daughters’ father. I always have and always will call him first to take care of his children if I cannot. He was at work and had to find coverage. I didn’t have that kind of time.

I called my cousins and didn’t get an answer. Then I called my brother. I held on to strength and tried not to cry as I told him I needed to go to the hospital. I went into the bedroom and told my girls to pack up their clothes and that their uncle was coming to get them. I then experienced a bittersweet moment. My oldest ordered her sister to pack her clothes, toothbrush, and to be sure she had her school stuff for the next day. I was proud I raised her to be so responsible, but saddened at the same time that she was the backup me. It’s not a child’s job to take care of her parent.

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Birds of a Feather…

By: Mia L. Hazlett
11/6/14

flock of migrating canada geese birdsThere’s this woman I know.  We’ve been through it all together.  I believe that is the reason God has not only put her in my life, but has kept her in my life for over 20 years.  We’ve walked in each other’s shoes.  Our lives are so similar, it’s scary.

Over the past two days our lives have been turned upside down.  Not because a mutual event has rocked us, but because somehow we are both dealing with circumstances beyond our control.

We are two amazing women who fell in love, got married and started families.  I’m not saying it was in that exact order, but you get the point.  Unfortunately, somewhere along the line, the love and marriage fell off, but our children remained.

We were suddenly thrust into the role of raising our children by ourselves.   Continue reading Birds of a Feather…

Baggage, Baggage, Baggage…Not!

461322101_140Baggage, Baggage, Baggage…Not!
By: Mia L. Hazlett
8/4/14

There comes a time after the dust has settled after separation/divorce, when dating enters the equation.  For me, I needed to know whom I wanted, before I proceeded down this slippery slope.  I had never dated with kids before.  I remember talking to one of my friends and she was surprised I was looking for a man who had been divorced and had kids.  “Why do you want someone with all that baggage?” she asked.

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Building The Village

BUILDING YOUR VILLAGE SERIES
The First Week
By: Mia L. Hazlett
7/28/14
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“I really can’t remember. It was truly a blur. It is more of a reflective total, than it is remembering an exact feeling or moment.” That is pretty much my answer when people ask, “what was the first week like when you was separated from your husband?” You see we separated after living together for eight years. In that eight years, routine had been established for my household.

When life throws you a curve ball, routine still takes place. The kids still needed to go to daycare. I had to call into work and handle the unexpected. Procrastination had my house void of food, so grocery shopping definitely had to take place. That was just the beginning of the day. The evening routine rolled around and I had to pick the kids up from daycare. There was dinner, bath time, story time, and then bedtime. Finally, when I had put the kids to bed, I took some “process” time. All that meant is I cried myself to sleep.

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I Blame My Father

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I grew up with my dad.

I didn’t realize until I was an adult with children of my own what a luxury that was.

I have a real dad, one that;

– Worked all of his life to support us very well

– Took us on trips in an effort to expose us to the world

– Valued education and invested in us

– Wasn’t too tough to play dolls with his little girl

Don’t get it twisted, he was no walk in the park. He was tough on me. He never allowed me to rest at less than my best. He is tough and a bit judgmental and not delicate with his honesty but exposure to all of that really helped to toughen me up for the world.

But subsequently, he ‘s made it hard for me to accept bullshit.

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Build Your Village

By: Mia L. Hazlett

“I’m a strong independent black woman. I don’t need a man.” I spouted this ignorance to create a portrait of I’m not sure what, so many times. Not only am I unsure of my reasoning, but I honestly feel it was so others would think I had my shit together, when I didn’t. But I’ve come to discover, bravado is wonderful in the absence of humility.

I say this because it was a lie. At my weakest, I became dependent. I am not gay and want to be in a relationship, so therefore to do that I need a man. The funniest part about that saying, I’ve heard it said by tons of women, who are either in a relationship with a man or hunting for a man to be in a relationship with. Continue reading Build Your Village