Category Archives: self esteem

Achieving Your Destiny – V

Achieving Your Destiny- Part V
By: Mia L. Hazlett
3/10/15

Step IV – Silence

I know when you are working towards your destiny it’s exciting. At least for me it was. If someone got me talking about my book, I would go on and on. The thing was, we weren’t on the same path. At the time I wrote my book, I was unemployed and living (at the beginning of the book, in Texas at my friend’s and then at my parents’ house.) Trust me when I say times were beyond stressful and difficult, but writing was my peace in the torrential hurricane which was my life.

But even though I was so excited about my book, no one else was. I had this little bit of light in my dark tunnel, but everyone had shaped out my priorities for me. As if getting a job and finding my own place for me and my daughters wasn’t a priority. So because of what others had to say about me and my dream, I quit on my dream for a while. I conformed to the little box they lived their lives in and became more miserable.

But a passionate desire to fulfill my destiny could not be stopped. I continued to write my book. This time I did it silently. It was nobody’s business how I made myself happy. I found in my silence, people all of a sudden became interested in my book. They were used to me talking about it and now I had nothing to say. I began to realize, they didn’t care about my actual book, they cared if I had achieved or failed. I remained silent. My achievement or failure was none of their business.

Continue reading Achieving Your Destiny – V

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How to Get Him Out of Your System

This morning I was feeling a little broken. Yesterday started and ended with a barfing toddler.

It’s in these moments where I am like “dammit he should be doing some of this”. I get temped to call him and go off!

So, in an attempt at diversion and self healing I started wandering around on Facebook, and found a post on a women’s encouragement group that I belong to that instantly snapped me back to reality.

As the video begins, I’m thinking; I know most of this stuff, it’s what I write about (right on sister) but hearing it come out of someone else’s mouth does help.

But…this other thing she brought up. This idea that I just recently read about really struck me. {See: Male DNA in women’s brains after pregnancy Hutchinson Cancer Center study}

Continue reading How to Get Him Out of Your System

Things to Do in the MEantime

By: Mia L. Hazlett

10/5/13

There is a MEantime that exist while I wait for The Next.  Life must continue and I’ve gotten to the point that I must continue to work on me and continue to become the woman I want to be when I grow up.  Deep down in my soul, I know I have not even reached a fraction of who God has created me to be.  I wake up at 4 before the sun rises.  In mere weeks, I will be coming home after the sun has come down.  I run myself frantic during the day getting my work done in a windowless 8×6 room for eight hours.

That’s not what my life has come down to.  It’s a wonderful job that has exposed me to wonderful people and a network worth knowing in life, but it’s not it for me.  My passion is writing.  That’s what I need to nurture.  That’s what is going to make me whole.  It won’t matter who The Next is, if I feel unfulfilled in this area of my life.  I’ve finally gotten to the point in my life where I know my happiness is my responsibility.  A man is not going to make me happy, writing, my God given gift, will.

That is not to say I am some lone warrior who wants to conquer the rest of my life alone.  But I’ve become  extremely selective about who gets to where The Next title.  Call me arrogant or hung up on myself, but I have expectations that I will not lower.  For instance, I grabbed a bite to eat the other night with a guy I used to see.  It wasn’t a date, it was meeting up after work.  Everything went well until  bill time came. I went to the bathroom and upon my return, the waitress was handing his card back saying there were insufficient funds.  I giggled to myself, because throughout my sporadic dating, I always ask God for a sign.  I didn’t even ask for a sign this time.

Throughout this dinner, this kind man had mentioned how he wanted to be in a serious relationship,  how that is what he was ready for in his life right now.  I thought that was a very bold statement.  Up until now, I had only heard how they weren’t ready for anything serious.  He did end up paying for the meal somehow, and we spent an awkward ten minutes at the table, he stating the reason for his finances and me wondering how I could be a single mother with two kids, have paid all my bills in the past week, and still have afforded this meal ten times over?

I didn’t hear from him for about four days and when he did send a text, he was asking when he could see me next.  I was honest and told him I doubt it would happen.  At this point in my life I needed someone who was financially stable and capable of taking me out for a quick bite to eat after work.  I told him that I come with kids, and one day we would all be out to eat.  He proceeded to call me a gold digger and tell me he wasn’t looking to support anyone and that he was not hurting for money by any means.  Okay.

I was hurt that he thought of me as a gold digger, so I went to a knowledgeable source of she who knows everything, my BFF.  She told me I should have responded “me too.”  She relayed that I knew the situation, no matter what he told me.  I would be in a situation of supporting this man who did not have his finances where mine were and I should not feel bad about it.  It was a short lived guilt.  I can’t waiver from my expectations.  I can’t fall short of who God wants me to become.  And if I’ve learned anything in life, lowered expectations are no longer an option.

Your Value

MyvalueThis week I have been in a number of conversations with women where they were unsure of how much abuse, and bad behavior was appropriate to accept from a partner or potential partner.

I was one of those women.

Let me start by saying you should get as good as you give. The love and support you give should be reciprocated.

If you work hard to take care of your family, your partner should do the same.

Continue reading Your Value

To the Next

By: Mia Hazlett
4/11/13

Hello,

We have yet to meet.  God has been working on me, as well as on you.  Let me tell you, He had a lot of work to do.  He first had me deal with undesirable life circumstances.  It was the best thing He could have ever done both for me and for you.

You see, to deal with my marital separation, my transition from two-parent income to one, homelessness of over two years, unemployment for the same length, led me to define who I am today.  Not only do I know who I’ve become, but I’m secure in being this incredible woman.

So how does this benefit you as well?  I’ve dealt with my past and left it there.  You don’t have to compete with my past, because I’ve refused to allow it to become my present and have taken the lessons, to avoid it repeating itself in the future.

I’ve also waited for you.  I did not rush to find someone to fill a sudden void and dishonor my faith.   I waited patiently on God, and asked Him to craft you for me, for He knows me better than I know myself.  Not only does he know the desires of my heart, but he knows who is best for me.  He has restored my heart to love freely again, because there are no past burdens that I continue to carry.

I’m happy I waited for you.  You are an honest man of God, integrity, and value.  I have an unwavering faith that God made you for me and me for you.

With Love, Respect, and Appreciation,

Mia

To My Exes

By: Mia L. Hazlett
3/19/13

Hello My Exes:

It took many relationships, two marriages, and almost 40 years to design this extraordinary virtuous woman. I must thank all of you. Although I could never see past my pain so long ago and not so long ago, God sent each of you in my life and took you all away, to design me to become who I am today.

My entire existence within my relationships existed to find what I wanted, rather than leaving what I didn’t like. I held within me the hope to change that which I found imperfect. I know now it had nothing to do with your inability to make me happy, but my lack of being good enough for myself. I spent so much time comparing myself to all the women that slipped in and out of the relationships that eluded the single trait of faithfulness, rather than walking away and coming to the resolution you weren’t good enough for me.

Being Christian came late in the game, but I was raised by two people that taught me right from wrong and how to treat people respectfully. Finally I’m at the point in my life where I realize, if it looks like shit, smells like shit, it’s probably full of shit too. There’s something attached to this little realization also, it will probably treat you like shit too.

You see when you lie to obtain what you want, that’s not treating someone with respect or walking with integrity. It’s being manipulative and conniving and it plays with people’s feelings and emotions. In other words, you are treating them like shit.

Where I must accept blame, is sticking around and accepting the shit. What the hell did I think I could change by staying? Why did I have so much faith in shit relationships? Because I had to become an expert at recognizing bullshitters. I have two little girls to raise and I’m happy to say, I can smell bullshit from a mile away.

This isn’t a bashing, but a thank you. I’m happy about everything I’ve experienced. Although the relationships ended, I’m a better person because all of you have been in my life. You all changed me in a way that my expectations will never be in danger of being compromised again. Thank you.

Sincerely,

Mia

I Think: It’s Time to Step into Your Womanhood

By: Mia L. Black

Can your mother still make you cry? I ask this question after listening to one of my friends this weekend and realizing what her real problem was. It wasn’t what her mother was saying to her, but the fact that she didn’t feel she could stand up to her. How can you truly become an adult and truly call yourself a woman if you can’t stand up for yourself in the face of anybody, even your mother?

Now don’t get me wrong, I am not walking around cussing my mother out and speaking with no fear; because I am only two years into being a true adult. My “wow” moment came when I was actually scared to call my mother and tell her I was pregnant with my second daughter. I had our first daughter out of wedlock and telling her about that pregnancy is not a moment I want to relive. With our second daughter, we were married, financially stable, both working and had wonderful benefits…oh yeah, and I was a grown-ass woman. But because of my fear of somehow disappointing her, I held off on telling her immediately. When I did finally work up the nerve to tell her, I received a forced “congratulations”.

Well I dwelled on that moment for days and was pissed. Finally it just hit me, I am a grown-ass woman that is about to have our second child and I am allowing this woman to steal all of my joy. At that point I created a mental shit list. It was made for people that were not going to be happy for me. Not just about my pregnancy and not just for my mother, but for all people that felt like they had a right to put in their two cents about my life. I’ve been living that way ever since and now I am able to “talk to” my mother, rather than “ask for” her approval, about the things that are going on in my life.

Now one of my friends allowed herself to be cursed at, spoken down to, and her mother got so elementary as to name call. Now my friend is the perkiest person you could ever meet. She even sounds happy when she is cursing you out. But I could tell when she called me, that her spirit had been broken. She had called me after she had finished crying and was able to relay her story to me. After hearing her story, I realized that it was none of her mother’s damn business. Not only was it none of her damn business, but how dare she become so aggressive with her reaction. All I could do is share the experience I had with my mother when becoming pregnant with our second daughter. Letting her know that she could still be respectful of her mother, while letting her know she will not be spoken to in any inappropriate manner. Telling her she now had to embrace equal opportunity. Meaning if you would hang up on your co-worker or friend for cursing at you, you need to hang up on your mother too. Respect comes when boundaries are set.

My friend sent me a copy of the apology her mother sent her. It was an e-mail that showed her mother’s lack of faith in herself, rather than in her daughter. And I think this is a key as to why many mothers act as they do, they don’t know how to pat themselves on the back and trust that they have raised us right. Her mother still views her as a child and we all know a mother is supposed to protect her child. But it will be up to my friend to set the boundaries so her mother will begin to view her as a woman, and it may be at that point her mother will be able to see what a truly amazing, strong, intelligent, genunine, kind, woman her daughter has become.