Category Archives: relationships

To the Next

By: Mia Hazlett
4/11/13

Hello,

We have yet to meet.  God has been working on me, as well as on you.  Let me tell you, He had a lot of work to do.  He first had me deal with undesirable life circumstances.  It was the best thing He could have ever done both for me and for you.

You see, to deal with my marital separation, my transition from two-parent income to one, homelessness of over two years, unemployment for the same length, led me to define who I am today.  Not only do I know who I’ve become, but I’m secure in being this incredible woman.

So how does this benefit you as well?  I’ve dealt with my past and left it there.  You don’t have to compete with my past, because I’ve refused to allow it to become my present and have taken the lessons, to avoid it repeating itself in the future.

I’ve also waited for you.  I did not rush to find someone to fill a sudden void and dishonor my faith.   I waited patiently on God, and asked Him to craft you for me, for He knows me better than I know myself.  Not only does he know the desires of my heart, but he knows who is best for me.  He has restored my heart to love freely again, because there are no past burdens that I continue to carry.

I’m happy I waited for you.  You are an honest man of God, integrity, and value.  I have an unwavering faith that God made you for me and me for you.

With Love, Respect, and Appreciation,

Mia

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With the Past Behind

By: Mia L. Hazlett
4/3/13

Let go. Let go. Let go. Let God. Let God. Let God.

You want to know who I am? I am the daughter of God, who was filled with a heart’s passion to write and be an exceptional mother. I am an educated professional who supports her family on a single income, but I am not a single mother. I am a dreamer to some, but not to myself. How is it a dream if I made it come true? https://www.createspace.com/3747445 Yes. I made my dream come true. I wanted to write and publish a book. I wrote and published a book.

My book came from letting go of my past. What you’ve just read about who I am, was not how I always felt about myself. I had to give up everything to be in my present mindset. I left a horrendous employer. I separated from my husband. I moved out of our apartment. In all of these endeavors of finality, I brought along with me my two daughters.

I realized my life had come down to keys and a title. I no longer had house keys. I no longer had keys to an office. Above all, I had turned in a job title and marital status. I was a grown woman with no job, no home of my own, and now checked separated, instead of married. I held the key to my car and the title of mother. I was at the point, where I had to let go of my past and have faith in my future. I had to let go and let God take control. I did.

Presently – there has been almost complete restoration. I’m living in a beautiful new home. I have a wonderful job. I bought a new car. So yeah, you figured it out, I’ve remained single throughout this all. I’ve dated, but my heart and mind are not ready.

As I finally come up on my divorce, I realize I had to let go of my past relationships, so that God may bring new in this area of my life. I’ve had to say good-bye to the bad and the good. I’ve learned many things about myself from all of them, but to move on, I’ve had to close the door. That’s right, I’m finally at a point in my life, where I close the door, instead of letting God do it for me. I am so thankful that I let go and let God.

To My Exes

By: Mia L. Hazlett
3/19/13

Hello My Exes:

It took many relationships, two marriages, and almost 40 years to design this extraordinary virtuous woman. I must thank all of you. Although I could never see past my pain so long ago and not so long ago, God sent each of you in my life and took you all away, to design me to become who I am today.

My entire existence within my relationships existed to find what I wanted, rather than leaving what I didn’t like. I held within me the hope to change that which I found imperfect. I know now it had nothing to do with your inability to make me happy, but my lack of being good enough for myself. I spent so much time comparing myself to all the women that slipped in and out of the relationships that eluded the single trait of faithfulness, rather than walking away and coming to the resolution you weren’t good enough for me.

Being Christian came late in the game, but I was raised by two people that taught me right from wrong and how to treat people respectfully. Finally I’m at the point in my life where I realize, if it looks like shit, smells like shit, it’s probably full of shit too. There’s something attached to this little realization also, it will probably treat you like shit too.

You see when you lie to obtain what you want, that’s not treating someone with respect or walking with integrity. It’s being manipulative and conniving and it plays with people’s feelings and emotions. In other words, you are treating them like shit.

Where I must accept blame, is sticking around and accepting the shit. What the hell did I think I could change by staying? Why did I have so much faith in shit relationships? Because I had to become an expert at recognizing bullshitters. I have two little girls to raise and I’m happy to say, I can smell bullshit from a mile away.

This isn’t a bashing, but a thank you. I’m happy about everything I’ve experienced. Although the relationships ended, I’m a better person because all of you have been in my life. You all changed me in a way that my expectations will never be in danger of being compromised again. Thank you.

Sincerely,

Mia

Facebook you evil temptress

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I made a rookie mistake yesterday. I gave in to temptation and…

Commented on my ex’s Facebook page.

I admit this to you as a cautionary tale; don’t fall into the trap.

He was on his page asking his friends stuff like ” should I go to work” or “should I go drinking or hang out at the library”. The worst was his “friends” were egging him on encouraging this behavior! Really!

Meanwhile I am at work, our kids are home on break and I could use a break, or a quiet trip to the library that doesn’t end in tears …or a drink!

So I responded as politely as possible, asking that he refrain from these types of comments in such a public forum (we have 3 older kids with FB accounts) and that set the comments off! Continue reading Facebook you evil temptress

I Think: Honesty

By: Mia L. Hazlett
2/5/13

How do you get through it…divorce that is? Honesty. You have to be honest with yourself and the role you played in the demise of the happiness that once existed between you and your spouse. The most honest thing I can say about my marriage as a Christian, it was not God’s plan, it was mine. All mine. I wanted to get married because I was pregnant. All three of us were going to have the same last name. It’s as simple as that. I got married for a last name, which is now, not the last name I use.

It wasn’t just some magical idea that popped in my head when I found out I was pregnant. This was the way I was raised; you marry the father of your children. It wasn’t even something I gave a second thought. However, I hold myself completely responsible for not investigating if he was raised with the same values. It was unprotected sex, prior to truly getting to know the important details about this person.

Therefore, we got married and had another daughter. That’s when my reality began to sink in that we were incompatible. Unfortunately, when you’re stubborn and bullheaded, it’s not your fault, it’s theirs. I patted myself on the back for being flawless, all the while waiting for him to change so he could be perfect like me. Unbelievably, it never happened. Somehow, my perfection wasn’t contagious, and I was falling out of love and no longer liked this imperfect stranger in my house.

At this point, close to four years separated, I accept that person for who he is. I’ve learned that God doesn’t make mistakes, humans do. Who he is, is who he is. Who I am, is who I am. He didn’t need to change to make me happy. I didn’t need to change to make him happy. We needed to stay true and honest to who we were. I chose to follow my heart and my plan to make things happily ever after…well that didn’t work so much. But as for staying with the honesty thing, we sure did make two beautiful daughters.

I Think: It’s OVER!

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By: Mia L. Hazlett

2/1/13

 Divorce.  It’s a common word.  Telling people you are divorced or going through a divorce, really doesn’t raise any eyebrows these days.  It’s common enough that it falls out of the mouths of children with ease.  “Yeah, my parents are divorced.  No biggie.  I see my mom.  I see my dad.  My grandparents are divorced too,” I heard one of my daughter’s friend explain to her.  My daughter remained silent as the group gathered up their bikes and peddled off to the playground.

I believe she was silent, because I don’t treat divorce as if it is nothing.  I want her to find marriage commonplace, not divorce.  It’s 100 times as hard to do this since her father and I have been separated for the past almost four years, and I’ve finally found peace and closure, so I can move towards divorce.

When we first separated, I was filled with so much anger and hatred, but as the custodial parent and basically the sole provider for my family, I didn’t have time to wallow in my circumstances.  I embarked on a tumultuous journey of hardship and loss, which led to over two years of depending on my parents and BFF for life’s basic essentials.

Now that I’ve found employment and have my own place, I’ve now been able to deal with me.  The past few years has been all about finding employment, taking care of my children, and getting us our own house.  This is the first time I’ve been able to breathe and depend on some sort of regularity in my life. 

Only those really close to me know the battle I’ve had about filing for divorce.  One, because they’ve walked in my shoes.  Two, they’ve prayed for our reconciliation, but now understand they want what’s best for me, since they’ve finally gotten to see the old me and meet the new me.  Three, they don’t devalue my feelings as to why this was a hard decision.  They’ve never discredited why I would want to try to rekindle a marriage with a man, who for the past four years has been living with and is engaged to another thing (sorry, not a big fan of things that accept proposals from married men – I’m a work in progress), while his family has suffered against poverty and homelessness. 

My blog, Mommy Not Friend, www.jandmpublishingcompany.com, looks at how I am raising my daughters to be virtuous women in the midst of this separation and divorce process.  However, I started that blog last year, at the beginning of my peace.  I wanted to vent, convey, chronicle, and let go, of what this divorce is putting my family and me through here, because I began writing on this blog when there were still moments of happiness in my marriage.

What I know about: Shaking The Tree

ImageLet me start by saying I have total respect for the stay at home mom or dad. The one that works hard to make sure the house is always in good order, the kids are well nourished and the community is better off for having his or her time spent on them. Their family has sacrificed a paycheck and comforts to have him/her working for the family. Her presence is most likely saving money in daycare, gas and groceries.

I also have respect for the kept significant other. His/her spouse makes so much money there is no need for a second income. Good for you, you hit the jackpot, now keep the body tight and take care of that sugar momma right.

But what I keep running into and am having trouble respecting are the men and women who think they have the right to live the kept woman life without the kept woman work.  Note I will be using gender interchangeably through this post, because everybody seems to be doing it.

Mr. A loves his wife, but some days it seems like she hates him. She is always so mad, and stressed. They started essentially in the same place because of a series of bad decisions on his part she is now the breadwinner of the house, and he is proud of her for it. He always tells people how great she is.  He does his part; he takes out the garbage, gets the kids up  in the morning, and he deposits his check into the account just like she does. It seems like she takes out cash whenever she wants, trips to the beach with the kids, ice cream on Sunday afternoons and it seems like she gets her hair done every few months. So he put money in, he should be able to take out whatever he wants to, right? It is our money right?

Ms. B Is tired of her man and father of her child. They have been together for years, he was married for 10-plus years, but that divorce has been final for a while. He is always upset with her for something. Either just because she didn’t cook or he doesn’t have any clean clothes. He is just getting too comfortable in this relationship and he shouldn’t expect she is just going to stay around and take this. He thinks just because he bought the house, and this little car that she doesn’t even really like she should just be happy. She is home almost all day with the kid, and only gets like one maybe two days off a week. It would be different if he would just marry her.

Mr. A and Ms. B Your relationships, your home should be a safe place for your family. Everyone who lives there should feel comfortable. Everyone in the house also has to do their part, so that the burden doesn’t rest on just one person. Relationships work best when they are 100/100 not 50/50. You both have to give 100% effort or someone is going to feel cheated. Perhaps that man won’t marry you, and that woman feels resentful because they don’t feel comfortable, safe or valued at home.

If one person is the money maker, then it’s fair that one is the home maker. If the financial is even then the household duties should be even. Keep in mind that the more money you make at work, usually the more stress and pressure you have at work. Companies compensate you for your talent and level of investment in the company.

If you keep shaking that little money tree it’s going to break, fall on you and crush you flat. You either need to figure out either how to support your tree with food water and sunlight, or grow right next to your tree so you can support each other.