There comes a time after the dust has settled after separation/divorce, when dating enters the equation. For me, I needed to know whom I wanted, before I proceeded down this slippery slope. I had never dated with kids before. I remember talking to one of my friends and she was surprised I was looking for a man who had been divorced and had kids. “Why do you want someone with all that baggage?” she asked.
By: Mia L. Hazlett
That’s right, I’m done with the Jesus thing. I haven’t done a very good job with it, so I’m through with thinking I can change all things and have complete control of everything and anyone that comes into my life, so I’m not going to waste any of my time or energy trying to change the impossible.
I would love to turn water into wine. It hasn’t happened. I just look crazy and end up disappointed. Apparently, I have not been blessed with that special ability. In accepting that I will have to pay for wine, I’ve also accepted I can’t change people, only myself. I spoke the other night to one of my BFF’s friends. He was having relationship issues, so he unloaded his problem and sought advice to his situation. He is a preacher who puts God first always. Over the past six months, Sunday was the day he and his girlfriend shared to worship God together. She considered it their day. He considered it a day he spent at church worshiping God. This particular Sunday, he decided to bring in a friend who was in need of a church home. He had spoken to him over the past few weeks and his friend was on the verge of suicide. He informed his girlfriend his friend was joining them and she was upset that he invited someone to church without informing her first.
It seemed odd to me this woman who knew she was dating a preacher, was somehow upset he would bring someone in need of a church home to church. He added a few other things he thought had changed about her over their relationship for the better, but was hoping she would continue to change in his favor.
The thing is, there are core behaviors in people, which form their character. When we get to thinking we can change these behaviors and attempt to form them to the mold of the person we want them to be, we are trying to play God. We put so much effort into changing that person, just so we won’t be alone, that in the months or maybe even years we put into changing the wrong person for us, we could have found the right one.
Know who you are and who you want in your life and you will attract them. If the wrong person comes first, know they are just that, the wrong person. Don’t waste your time or theirs trying to change them. If you want wine, seek wine. Don’t try to be Jesus and take some water and perform a miracle. It’s not going to happen.
By: Mia Hazlett
We have yet to meet. God has been working on me, as well as on you. Let me tell you, He had a lot of work to do. He first had me deal with undesirable life circumstances. It was the best thing He could have ever done both for me and for you.
You see, to deal with my marital separation, my transition from two-parent income to one, homelessness of over two years, unemployment for the same length, led me to define who I am today. Not only do I know who I’ve become, but I’m secure in being this incredible woman.
So how does this benefit you as well? I’ve dealt with my past and left it there. You don’t have to compete with my past, because I’ve refused to allow it to become my present and have taken the lessons, to avoid it repeating itself in the future.
I’ve also waited for you. I did not rush to find someone to fill a sudden void and dishonor my faith. I waited patiently on God, and asked Him to craft you for me, for He knows me better than I know myself. Not only does he know the desires of my heart, but he knows who is best for me. He has restored my heart to love freely again, because there are no past burdens that I continue to carry.
I’m happy I waited for you. You are an honest man of God, integrity, and value. I have an unwavering faith that God made you for me and me for you.
With Love, Respect, and Appreciation,
By: Mia L. Hazlett
Let go. Let go. Let go. Let God. Let God. Let God.
You want to know who I am? I am the daughter of God, who was filled with a heart’s passion to write and be an exceptional mother. I am an educated professional who supports her family on a single income, but I am not a single mother. I am a dreamer to some, but not to myself. How is it a dream if I made it come true? https://www.createspace.com/3747445 Yes. I made my dream come true. I wanted to write and publish a book. I wrote and published a book.
My book came from letting go of my past. What you’ve just read about who I am, was not how I always felt about myself. I had to give up everything to be in my present mindset. I left a horrendous employer. I separated from my husband. I moved out of our apartment. In all of these endeavors of finality, I brought along with me my two daughters.
I realized my life had come down to keys and a title. I no longer had house keys. I no longer had keys to an office. Above all, I had turned in a job title and marital status. I was a grown woman with no job, no home of my own, and now checked separated, instead of married. I held the key to my car and the title of mother. I was at the point, where I had to let go of my past and have faith in my future. I had to let go and let God take control. I did.
Presently – there has been almost complete restoration. I’m living in a beautiful new home. I have a wonderful job. I bought a new car. So yeah, you figured it out, I’ve remained single throughout this all. I’ve dated, but my heart and mind are not ready.
As I finally come up on my divorce, I realize I had to let go of my past relationships, so that God may bring new in this area of my life. I’ve had to say good-bye to the bad and the good. I’ve learned many things about myself from all of them, but to move on, I’ve had to close the door. That’s right, I’m finally at a point in my life, where I close the door, instead of letting God do it for me. I am so thankful that I let go and let God.
By: Mia L. Hazlett
Our time existed when love carried no baggage. It carried no regrets. It carried no past. It carried no drama. It simply existed.
You were a gentleman at the young age of 15 and I didn’t even know it. It’s my innocence lost, which sends me back to the time long before my heart wore scars. It was a time when my heart had no limits. You see we had a friendship in the midst of our relationship. Like existed over love.
It was a time when sitting on the couch in your parent’s house was the best Friday night. It was a time when holding hands defined that a relationship existed. It was a time when certain acts were equated to baseball. It was our time of innocence.
From time to time, you would come to mind. Drift into my thoughts as Facebook came about. With your name so common, it was an impossible search, or maybe you never had an account. I found those who I thought would have kept in contact with you, but never asked about you. I sat one day scrolling through the impersonal technology, and saw your true friend/brother from another mother, missing you.
I thought you must have moved out of state. I hunted for the details only to find, you were gone. God brought you home to be with Him. So it is with this letter that I say good-bye, but most of all thank you. Thank you for being kind. Thank you for being honest. Thank you for having character. Thank you for embracing integrity. Thank you for my innocence. Thank you for the life-long lesson of like over love. Most of all, from the bottom of my heart; thank you for being a gentleman.
With sincere gratitude,
By: Mia L. Hazlett
Hello My Exes:
It took many relationships, two marriages, and almost 40 years to design this extraordinary virtuous woman. I must thank all of you. Although I could never see past my pain so long ago and not so long ago, God sent each of you in my life and took you all away, to design me to become who I am today.
My entire existence within my relationships existed to find what I wanted, rather than leaving what I didn’t like. I held within me the hope to change that which I found imperfect. I know now it had nothing to do with your inability to make me happy, but my lack of being good enough for myself. I spent so much time comparing myself to all the women that slipped in and out of the relationships that eluded the single trait of faithfulness, rather than walking away and coming to the resolution you weren’t good enough for me.
Being Christian came late in the game, but I was raised by two people that taught me right from wrong and how to treat people respectfully. Finally I’m at the point in my life where I realize, if it looks like shit, smells like shit, it’s probably full of shit too. There’s something attached to this little realization also, it will probably treat you like shit too.
You see when you lie to obtain what you want, that’s not treating someone with respect or walking with integrity. It’s being manipulative and conniving and it plays with people’s feelings and emotions. In other words, you are treating them like shit.
Where I must accept blame, is sticking around and accepting the shit. What the hell did I think I could change by staying? Why did I have so much faith in shit relationships? Because I had to become an expert at recognizing bullshitters. I have two little girls to raise and I’m happy to say, I can smell bullshit from a mile away.
This isn’t a bashing, but a thank you. I’m happy about everything I’ve experienced. Although the relationships ended, I’m a better person because all of you have been in my life. You all changed me in a way that my expectations will never be in danger of being compromised again. Thank you.
By: Mia L. Hazlett
How do you get through it…divorce that is? Honesty. You have to be honest with yourself and the role you played in the demise of the happiness that once existed between you and your spouse. The most honest thing I can say about my marriage as a Christian, it was not God’s plan, it was mine. All mine. I wanted to get married because I was pregnant. All three of us were going to have the same last name. It’s as simple as that. I got married for a last name, which is now, not the last name I use.
It wasn’t just some magical idea that popped in my head when I found out I was pregnant. This was the way I was raised; you marry the father of your children. It wasn’t even something I gave a second thought. However, I hold myself completely responsible for not investigating if he was raised with the same values. It was unprotected sex, prior to truly getting to know the important details about this person.
Therefore, we got married and had another daughter. That’s when my reality began to sink in that we were incompatible. Unfortunately, when you’re stubborn and bullheaded, it’s not your fault, it’s theirs. I patted myself on the back for being flawless, all the while waiting for him to change so he could be perfect like me. Unbelievably, it never happened. Somehow, my perfection wasn’t contagious, and I was falling out of love and no longer liked this imperfect stranger in my house.
At this point, close to four years separated, I accept that person for who he is. I’ve learned that God doesn’t make mistakes, humans do. Who he is, is who he is. Who I am, is who I am. He didn’t need to change to make me happy. I didn’t need to change to make him happy. We needed to stay true and honest to who we were. I chose to follow my heart and my plan to make things happily ever after…well that didn’t work so much. But as for staying with the honesty thing, we sure did make two beautiful daughters.