Category Archives: Jennifer

6 Steps to Embracing The Blessing

imageYou’ve had a hope or a prayer in your heart for years. Then one day, that still small voice inside begins to whisper. “Hey, remember that thing you wanted, well here it is”.

Are you brave enough to step in and accept the desires of your heart?

Yeah, at first I was a little hesitant too. From the time I heard the whisper until the day I decided to jump took me about three weeks. I did it the hard way. But lucky for you I remember what steps I took on the way there. There were about six.

I stumbled through every single one of them. But that doesn’t matter, because I am here now; excited and getting prepared as quickly as I can for the changes that I can see heading my way.

1. Listen to the voices

I spent weeks denying what was right in front of me. People asked, and I said “No, that’s not going to happen.” Straight away. After a few weeks of going to church and getting talked about by the pastor, I changed my tune. I realized that our destination is dependent ability to listen to our instincts. Being obedient to that small voice inside of you that tells you to take a right when everyone else is going left is what is going to get you to your destination .

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I Blame My Father

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I grew up with my dad.

I didn’t realize until I was an adult with children of my own what a luxury that was.

I have a real dad, one that;

– Worked all of his life to support us very well

– Took us on trips in an effort to expose us to the world

– Valued education and invested in us

– Wasn’t too tough to play dolls with his little girl

Don’t get it twisted, he was no walk in the park. He was tough on me. He never allowed me to rest at less than my best. He is tough and a bit judgmental and not delicate with his honesty but exposure to all of that really helped to toughen me up for the world.

But subsequently, he ‘s made it hard for me to accept bullshit.

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How I Got Over the Anger

20140516-225914.jpgMy emotions have been all over the place for about a year now.

Then about six months ago things went from unfortunate to unbearable.

Those events left me with major bitterness and oppressive anger that I could not shake. Although I had figured out how to cope; it was just buried right under the surface and really didn’t take much to set it off.

Because I was so angry I was not willing to confront the source of my anger, I wanted nothing to do with him. Which worked out fine because for a good long time he was as the kids say “in the wind”.

So then Mother’s Day came and went and the bitterness began to flare again. So in typical “Jennifer” fashion I googled “how to let go of anger” and I found a few really helpful articles like this one; 20 Things to Do When You’re Feeling Angry with Someone.

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Not My Mother’s Day

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I clearly remember my first mothers day.

I was about 7 months pregnant with my first child.

I was glowing.

I had a nice brunch, a few gifts and nice cards I was so exited it was gonna be like having two birthdays.

But then things didn’t work out and I ended up on my own.

So now, Mother’s Day for me is a day where I cook and clean, play with the kids, do hair and get everyone in bed early, because they have school on Monday.

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What I Didn’t Say About Life In An Intimacy Free Marriage

I have to admit that, in general I enjoyed the conversation I had last night with  five strangers about the bad things that happen to your previously active sex life after you get married.

Honestly for most of my marriage the sex was fine. Both of us are generally pretty adventurous by nature so when I could get it, it was cool.

There were obvious things that got in the way like;

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How to Get Him Out of Your System

This morning I was feeling a little broken. Yesterday started and ended with a barfing toddler.

It’s in these moments where I am like “dammit he should be doing some of this”. I get temped to call him and go off!

So, in an attempt at diversion and self healing I started wandering around on Facebook, and found a post on a women’s encouragement group that I belong to that instantly snapped me back to reality.

As the video begins, I’m thinking; I know most of this stuff, it’s what I write about (right on sister) but hearing it come out of someone else’s mouth does help.

But…this other thing she brought up. This idea that I just recently read about really struck me. {See: Male DNA in women’s brains after pregnancy Hutchinson Cancer Center study}

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Happiness Is The Truth

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I am totally overwhelmed.

My house looks like what I image it must look like when a hoarder gets started. I have more than my share of envelopes in the bill box. I think everything is paid, because none of them are pink or some other “warning” color.  The girls both look like they could use a good afternoon of brushing and greasing.

I am not 100% okay with the current state of things but I am living where I’m at. The pantry is full of healthy food and I am cooking most nights. I am getting plenty of sleep, and even squeezing in a little exercise.

I feel like I am doing okay, and getting better every day.

You see, right before thanksgiving my “false sense of safety” net was yanked out, and took my cash cushion with him.

I was SUPER bitter and angry up until December 26th.

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