By: Mia L. Hazlett
Divorce. It’s a common word. Telling people you are divorced or going through a divorce, really doesn’t raise any eyebrows these days. It’s common enough that it falls out of the mouths of children with ease. “Yeah, my parents are divorced. No biggie. I see my mom. I see my dad. My grandparents are divorced too,” I heard one of my daughter’s friend explain to her. My daughter remained silent as the group gathered up their bikes and peddled off to the playground.
I believe she was silent, because I don’t treat divorce as if it is nothing. I want her to find marriage commonplace, not divorce. It’s 100 times as hard to do this since her father and I have been separated for the past almost four years, and I’ve finally found peace and closure, so I can move towards divorce.
When we first separated, I was filled with so much anger and hatred, but as the custodial parent and basically the sole provider for my family, I didn’t have time to wallow in my circumstances. I embarked on a tumultuous journey of hardship and loss, which led to over two years of depending on my parents and BFF for life’s basic essentials.
Now that I’ve found employment and have my own place, I’ve now been able to deal with me. The past few years has been all about finding employment, taking care of my children, and getting us our own house. This is the first time I’ve been able to breathe and depend on some sort of regularity in my life.
Only those really close to me know the battle I’ve had about filing for divorce. One, because they’ve walked in my shoes. Two, they’ve prayed for our reconciliation, but now understand they want what’s best for me, since they’ve finally gotten to see the old me and meet the new me. Three, they don’t devalue my feelings as to why this was a hard decision. They’ve never discredited why I would want to try to rekindle a marriage with a man, who for the past four years has been living with and is engaged to another thing (sorry, not a big fan of things that accept proposals from married men – I’m a work in progress), while his family has suffered against poverty and homelessness.
My blog, Mommy Not Friend, www.jandmpublishingcompany.com, looks at how I am raising my daughters to be virtuous women in the midst of this separation and divorce process. However, I started that blog last year, at the beginning of my peace. I wanted to vent, convey, chronicle, and let go, of what this divorce is putting my family and me through here, because I began writing on this blog when there were still moments of happiness in my marriage.