Category Archives: divorce

The Other Side

Mia LNature_Mountains_Snow-capped_mountains_on_the_horizon_030168_. Hazlett

After 7 years of separation and battling the courts for a simple court date, my storm ended last week.  While our eighteen year relationship will continue, our twelve year marriage came to an end.

Throughout the years of our separation it has been a constant emotional storm for me.  I’m not the person who stays friends with the ex.  It’s not who I am.  If we’re over, we’re over.  I have enough friends in my life; I don’t need to start adding exes to that list.

But this guy.  I’m stuck with this guy.  We have two beautiful daughters together and every Sunday for a few hours, he shows up.  For birthday parties and Christmas, he’s there.  That’s how co-parenting works.  That’s how the love for our children works.  And we do love our children.  Because we love them, we even attempted reconciliation for a few months here and there. But I realized I had moved on in my life.  God was moving me forwards, not backwards.

The misconception that many people have is that divorce is easy.  It’s not.  Even though we’ve had years of separation, we’ve also been a part of each others’ lives for almost two decades.  I get it; there are a massive amount of couples who have to have a strict court order in able to function through the parenting aspect of the relationship.

We didn’t want a court to dictate the relationship with our children or with each other for that matter.  We sat next to each other laughing and joking in the courtroom. We battled emotions and discussed not going through with it, but I thought God finally put me here after 7 years.  We stood outside for an hour after being evacuated for a bomb scare.  We both shared the same feeling, “maybe this is a sign.”

It wasn’t.  We returned to the courtroom and our 12 years ended in less than 10 minutes.  It was heartbreaking, and I allowed my heart to break for a week.  But then I shut down the pity party and began making plans for THE OTHER SIDE.

© 2016 Mia L. Hazlett

Birds of a Feather…

By: Mia L. Hazlett
11/6/14

flock of migrating canada geese birdsThere’s this woman I know.  We’ve been through it all together.  I believe that is the reason God has not only put her in my life, but has kept her in my life for over 20 years.  We’ve walked in each other’s shoes.  Our lives are so similar, it’s scary.

Over the past two days our lives have been turned upside down.  Not because a mutual event has rocked us, but because somehow we are both dealing with circumstances beyond our control.

We are two amazing women who fell in love, got married and started families.  I’m not saying it was in that exact order, but you get the point.  Unfortunately, somewhere along the line, the love and marriage fell off, but our children remained.

We were suddenly thrust into the role of raising our children by ourselves.   Continue reading Birds of a Feather…

Baggage, Baggage, Baggage…Not!

461322101_140Baggage, Baggage, Baggage…Not!
By: Mia L. Hazlett
8/4/14

There comes a time after the dust has settled after separation/divorce, when dating enters the equation.  For me, I needed to know whom I wanted, before I proceeded down this slippery slope.  I had never dated with kids before.  I remember talking to one of my friends and she was surprised I was looking for a man who had been divorced and had kids.  “Why do you want someone with all that baggage?” she asked.

Continue reading Baggage, Baggage, Baggage…Not!

Building The Village

BUILDING YOUR VILLAGE SERIES
The First Week
By: Mia L. Hazlett
7/28/14
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“I really can’t remember. It was truly a blur. It is more of a reflective total, than it is remembering an exact feeling or moment.” That is pretty much my answer when people ask, “what was the first week like when you was separated from your husband?” You see we separated after living together for eight years. In that eight years, routine had been established for my household.

When life throws you a curve ball, routine still takes place. The kids still needed to go to daycare. I had to call into work and handle the unexpected. Procrastination had my house void of food, so grocery shopping definitely had to take place. That was just the beginning of the day. The evening routine rolled around and I had to pick the kids up from daycare. There was dinner, bath time, story time, and then bedtime. Finally, when I had put the kids to bed, I took some “process” time. All that meant is I cried myself to sleep.

Continue reading Building The Village

Build Your Village

By: Mia L. Hazlett

“I’m a strong independent black woman. I don’t need a man.” I spouted this ignorance to create a portrait of I’m not sure what, so many times. Not only am I unsure of my reasoning, but I honestly feel it was so others would think I had my shit together, when I didn’t. But I’ve come to discover, bravado is wonderful in the absence of humility.

I say this because it was a lie. At my weakest, I became dependent. I am not gay and want to be in a relationship, so therefore to do that I need a man. The funniest part about that saying, I’ve heard it said by tons of women, who are either in a relationship with a man or hunting for a man to be in a relationship with. Continue reading Build Your Village

How I Got Over the Anger

20140516-225914.jpgMy emotions have been all over the place for about a year now.

Then about six months ago things went from unfortunate to unbearable.

Those events left me with major bitterness and oppressive anger that I could not shake. Although I had figured out how to cope; it was just buried right under the surface and really didn’t take much to set it off.

Because I was so angry I was not willing to confront the source of my anger, I wanted nothing to do with him. Which worked out fine because for a good long time he was as the kids say “in the wind”.

So then Mother’s Day came and went and the bitterness began to flare again. So in typical “Jennifer” fashion I googled “how to let go of anger” and I found a few really helpful articles like this one; 20 Things to Do When You’re Feeling Angry with Someone.

Continue reading How I Got Over the Anger

What I Didn’t Say About Life In An Intimacy Free Marriage

I have to admit that, in general I enjoyed the conversation I had last night with  five strangers about the bad things that happen to your previously active sex life after you get married.

Honestly for most of my marriage the sex was fine. Both of us are generally pretty adventurous by nature so when I could get it, it was cool.

There were obvious things that got in the way like;

Continue reading What I Didn’t Say About Life In An Intimacy Free Marriage