There comes a time after the dust has settled after separation/divorce, when dating enters the equation. For me, I needed to know whom I wanted, before I proceeded down this slippery slope. I had never dated with kids before. I remember talking to one of my friends and she was surprised I was looking for a man who had been divorced and had kids. “Why do you want someone with all that baggage?” she asked.
By: Mia L. Hazlett
When I turned 40 this year, I reflected over the past four years. I had separated from my husband, embarked on a journey to start my life over as a single-income parent, endured over two years of unemployment and homelessness, and watched it come full circle through restoration. The one thing that remains, I am still single almost five years later.
The one thing where I’ve stayed steadfast, expectations. I have expectations for the next man who comes into my life. One of the major characteristics he must possess, financial stability. It’s funny because I’ve encountered some men who relate this to them having to come into my life and support my children and myself. One man could not simply pay for a quick dinner we met up to share. He had moved in with his friend and had no children in his household to support. For me, he was just not in a financially stable situation.
The other thing I’ve learned in dating, I keep things grown. No games. No secrets. You ask, I tell. He asked if we could see each other again and I said no because I don’t feel you are in a financial situation that will allow us to be compatible (maybe not those exact words, but you get the hint). He responded how he was not in dire straits and he was happy we weren’t going to see each other because he didn’t feel like supporting anyone.
I guess my question is, is it unreasonable to have a financial expectation of someone when looking to be in a long-term relationship? Is having an expectation of a checking and savings accounts, a gold-digging mindset?
By: Mia L. Hazlett
That’s right, I’m done with the Jesus thing. I haven’t done a very good job with it, so I’m through with thinking I can change all things and have complete control of everything and anyone that comes into my life, so I’m not going to waste any of my time or energy trying to change the impossible.
I would love to turn water into wine. It hasn’t happened. I just look crazy and end up disappointed. Apparently, I have not been blessed with that special ability. In accepting that I will have to pay for wine, I’ve also accepted I can’t change people, only myself. I spoke the other night to one of my BFF’s friends. He was having relationship issues, so he unloaded his problem and sought advice to his situation. He is a preacher who puts God first always. Over the past six months, Sunday was the day he and his girlfriend shared to worship God together. She considered it their day. He considered it a day he spent at church worshiping God. This particular Sunday, he decided to bring in a friend who was in need of a church home. He had spoken to him over the past few weeks and his friend was on the verge of suicide. He informed his girlfriend his friend was joining them and she was upset that he invited someone to church without informing her first.
It seemed odd to me this woman who knew she was dating a preacher, was somehow upset he would bring someone in need of a church home to church. He added a few other things he thought had changed about her over their relationship for the better, but was hoping she would continue to change in his favor.
The thing is, there are core behaviors in people, which form their character. When we get to thinking we can change these behaviors and attempt to form them to the mold of the person we want them to be, we are trying to play God. We put so much effort into changing that person, just so we won’t be alone, that in the months or maybe even years we put into changing the wrong person for us, we could have found the right one.
Know who you are and who you want in your life and you will attract them. If the wrong person comes first, know they are just that, the wrong person. Don’t waste your time or theirs trying to change them. If you want wine, seek wine. Don’t try to be Jesus and take some water and perform a miracle. It’s not going to happen.
By: Mia L. Hazlett
There is a MEantime that exist while I wait for The Next. Life must continue and I’ve gotten to the point that I must continue to work on me and continue to become the woman I want to be when I grow up. Deep down in my soul, I know I have not even reached a fraction of who God has created me to be. I wake up at 4 before the sun rises. In mere weeks, I will be coming home after the sun has come down. I run myself frantic during the day getting my work done in a windowless 8×6 room for eight hours.
That’s not what my life has come down to. It’s a wonderful job that has exposed me to wonderful people and a network worth knowing in life, but it’s not it for me. My passion is writing. That’s what I need to nurture. That’s what is going to make me whole. It won’t matter who The Next is, if I feel unfulfilled in this area of my life. I’ve finally gotten to the point in my life where I know my happiness is my responsibility. A man is not going to make me happy, writing, my God given gift, will.
That is not to say I am some lone warrior who wants to conquer the rest of my life alone. But I’ve become extremely selective about who gets to where The Next title. Call me arrogant or hung up on myself, but I have expectations that I will not lower. For instance, I grabbed a bite to eat the other night with a guy I used to see. It wasn’t a date, it was meeting up after work. Everything went well until bill time came. I went to the bathroom and upon my return, the waitress was handing his card back saying there were insufficient funds. I giggled to myself, because throughout my sporadic dating, I always ask God for a sign. I didn’t even ask for a sign this time.
Throughout this dinner, this kind man had mentioned how he wanted to be in a serious relationship, how that is what he was ready for in his life right now. I thought that was a very bold statement. Up until now, I had only heard how they weren’t ready for anything serious. He did end up paying for the meal somehow, and we spent an awkward ten minutes at the table, he stating the reason for his finances and me wondering how I could be a single mother with two kids, have paid all my bills in the past week, and still have afforded this meal ten times over?
I didn’t hear from him for about four days and when he did send a text, he was asking when he could see me next. I was honest and told him I doubt it would happen. At this point in my life I needed someone who was financially stable and capable of taking me out for a quick bite to eat after work. I told him that I come with kids, and one day we would all be out to eat. He proceeded to call me a gold digger and tell me he wasn’t looking to support anyone and that he was not hurting for money by any means. Okay.
I was hurt that he thought of me as a gold digger, so I went to a knowledgeable source of she who knows everything, my BFF. She told me I should have responded “me too.” She relayed that I knew the situation, no matter what he told me. I would be in a situation of supporting this man who did not have his finances where mine were and I should not feel bad about it. It was a short lived guilt. I can’t waiver from my expectations. I can’t fall short of who God wants me to become. And if I’ve learned anything in life, lowered expectations are no longer an option.
By: Mia Hazlett
We have yet to meet. God has been working on me, as well as on you. Let me tell you, He had a lot of work to do. He first had me deal with undesirable life circumstances. It was the best thing He could have ever done both for me and for you.
You see, to deal with my marital separation, my transition from two-parent income to one, homelessness of over two years, unemployment for the same length, led me to define who I am today. Not only do I know who I’ve become, but I’m secure in being this incredible woman.
So how does this benefit you as well? I’ve dealt with my past and left it there. You don’t have to compete with my past, because I’ve refused to allow it to become my present and have taken the lessons, to avoid it repeating itself in the future.
I’ve also waited for you. I did not rush to find someone to fill a sudden void and dishonor my faith. I waited patiently on God, and asked Him to craft you for me, for He knows me better than I know myself. Not only does he know the desires of my heart, but he knows who is best for me. He has restored my heart to love freely again, because there are no past burdens that I continue to carry.
I’m happy I waited for you. You are an honest man of God, integrity, and value. I have an unwavering faith that God made you for me and me for you.
With Love, Respect, and Appreciation,
By: Mia L. Hazlett
Let go. Let go. Let go. Let God. Let God. Let God.
You want to know who I am? I am the daughter of God, who was filled with a heart’s passion to write and be an exceptional mother. I am an educated professional who supports her family on a single income, but I am not a single mother. I am a dreamer to some, but not to myself. How is it a dream if I made it come true? https://www.createspace.com/3747445 Yes. I made my dream come true. I wanted to write and publish a book. I wrote and published a book.
My book came from letting go of my past. What you’ve just read about who I am, was not how I always felt about myself. I had to give up everything to be in my present mindset. I left a horrendous employer. I separated from my husband. I moved out of our apartment. In all of these endeavors of finality, I brought along with me my two daughters.
I realized my life had come down to keys and a title. I no longer had house keys. I no longer had keys to an office. Above all, I had turned in a job title and marital status. I was a grown woman with no job, no home of my own, and now checked separated, instead of married. I held the key to my car and the title of mother. I was at the point, where I had to let go of my past and have faith in my future. I had to let go and let God take control. I did.
Presently – there has been almost complete restoration. I’m living in a beautiful new home. I have a wonderful job. I bought a new car. So yeah, you figured it out, I’ve remained single throughout this all. I’ve dated, but my heart and mind are not ready.
As I finally come up on my divorce, I realize I had to let go of my past relationships, so that God may bring new in this area of my life. I’ve had to say good-bye to the bad and the good. I’ve learned many things about myself from all of them, but to move on, I’ve had to close the door. That’s right, I’m finally at a point in my life, where I close the door, instead of letting God do it for me. I am so thankful that I let go and let God.
By: Mia L. Hazlett
Our time existed when love carried no baggage. It carried no regrets. It carried no past. It carried no drama. It simply existed.
You were a gentleman at the young age of 15 and I didn’t even know it. It’s my innocence lost, which sends me back to the time long before my heart wore scars. It was a time when my heart had no limits. You see we had a friendship in the midst of our relationship. Like existed over love.
It was a time when sitting on the couch in your parent’s house was the best Friday night. It was a time when holding hands defined that a relationship existed. It was a time when certain acts were equated to baseball. It was our time of innocence.
From time to time, you would come to mind. Drift into my thoughts as Facebook came about. With your name so common, it was an impossible search, or maybe you never had an account. I found those who I thought would have kept in contact with you, but never asked about you. I sat one day scrolling through the impersonal technology, and saw your true friend/brother from another mother, missing you.
I thought you must have moved out of state. I hunted for the details only to find, you were gone. God brought you home to be with Him. So it is with this letter that I say good-bye, but most of all thank you. Thank you for being kind. Thank you for being honest. Thank you for having character. Thank you for embracing integrity. Thank you for my innocence. Thank you for the life-long lesson of like over love. Most of all, from the bottom of my heart; thank you for being a gentleman.
With sincere gratitude,