Category Archives: children

Birds of a Feather…

By: Mia L. Hazlett
11/6/14

flock of migrating canada geese birdsThere’s this woman I know.  We’ve been through it all together.  I believe that is the reason God has not only put her in my life, but has kept her in my life for over 20 years.  We’ve walked in each other’s shoes.  Our lives are so similar, it’s scary.

Over the past two days our lives have been turned upside down.  Not because a mutual event has rocked us, but because somehow we are both dealing with circumstances beyond our control.

We are two amazing women who fell in love, got married and started families.  I’m not saying it was in that exact order, but you get the point.  Unfortunately, somewhere along the line, the love and marriage fell off, but our children remained.

We were suddenly thrust into the role of raising our children by ourselves.   Continue reading Birds of a Feather…

Baggage, Baggage, Baggage…Not!

461322101_140Baggage, Baggage, Baggage…Not!
By: Mia L. Hazlett
8/4/14

There comes a time after the dust has settled after separation/divorce, when dating enters the equation.  For me, I needed to know whom I wanted, before I proceeded down this slippery slope.  I had never dated with kids before.  I remember talking to one of my friends and she was surprised I was looking for a man who had been divorced and had kids.  “Why do you want someone with all that baggage?” she asked.

Continue reading Baggage, Baggage, Baggage…Not!

Building The Village

BUILDING YOUR VILLAGE SERIES
The First Week
By: Mia L. Hazlett
7/28/14
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“I really can’t remember. It was truly a blur. It is more of a reflective total, than it is remembering an exact feeling or moment.” That is pretty much my answer when people ask, “what was the first week like when you was separated from your husband?” You see we separated after living together for eight years. In that eight years, routine had been established for my household.

When life throws you a curve ball, routine still takes place. The kids still needed to go to daycare. I had to call into work and handle the unexpected. Procrastination had my house void of food, so grocery shopping definitely had to take place. That was just the beginning of the day. The evening routine rolled around and I had to pick the kids up from daycare. There was dinner, bath time, story time, and then bedtime. Finally, when I had put the kids to bed, I took some “process” time. All that meant is I cried myself to sleep.

Continue reading Building The Village

Build Your Village

By: Mia L. Hazlett

“I’m a strong independent black woman. I don’t need a man.” I spouted this ignorance to create a portrait of I’m not sure what, so many times. Not only am I unsure of my reasoning, but I honestly feel it was so others would think I had my shit together, when I didn’t. But I’ve come to discover, bravado is wonderful in the absence of humility.

I say this because it was a lie. At my weakest, I became dependent. I am not gay and want to be in a relationship, so therefore to do that I need a man. The funniest part about that saying, I’ve heard it said by tons of women, who are either in a relationship with a man or hunting for a man to be in a relationship with. Continue reading Build Your Village

Burnt Out

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When I have these weeks where I burn myself out, I have to remember where I was just four years ago. I used to say things like, “I would do anything to be busy or be late for something.” I was 15 months unemployed and wondering if I would ever be employed again.

Now I’m overbooked and running on empty. I never dreamed I would be raising my kids by myself. Don’t get me wrong, you know I’m a Village believer, and I have a wonderful Village that helps me out. But ultimately, when my alarm goes off at 4 am and my eyes just shut 4 hours before, it’s all me.

I guess my message is, reach out to those who love you more than you can love or even take care of yourself when you are ready to jump off that cliff. I reached out to my BFF yesterday, because I was ready to leap. I sent a quick text to her. I demand perfection from myself and now I was stretched at every end. Work was overwhelming, I had a term paper due and a final to study for, softball and sneaker shopping, and get this, my kids want dinner every night.

So, on 4 hours of sleep for the past 4 nights, my workday came to an end yesterday and I was ready to leave. I prepared for the next day, grabbed my jacket, pushed in my chair, shut the light off, and closed my office door. I forgot to walk through it before I closed it. It was dark. I was then at a stop light and the people behind me were honking their horns at me. One jerk came around my car and flipped me off. It wasn’t a stop light. It was a stop SIGN. I was waiting for it to turn green.

I started crying at that moment. I knew I was burnt out, but as any single mother knows, we schedule our pity parties into our free time. My commute is my free time. I was rushing, (late mind you and having my father pick my kids up) to my daughter’s softball game. By the time I sat at her game, I had been driving for 2 and a half hours. But, as Supermom, I couldn’t just watch her game, I had to study for my final too, so I pulled out my textbook and read at the same time.

Just in time, my BFF called when I was about to cry. My daughter’s coach said, “Good job Jazzy,” and I looked up in time to see her throw the ball in. I missed a play. BFF once again talked me off the cliff. My daughter stepped up to bat and we both cheered her on. I realized at that point, her godmother had attended every softball game too. She refuses to send child support, but I’m okay with that, as long as she continues to attend her games from 2000 miles away.

By the time I climbed into bed at 11 (because I was going to bed early) I had submitted my term paper, fed my kids, prepared for today, but I knew I had forgotten something. I forgot to eat. But I’m grateful. I’m not where I was four years ago.

Momma Please

ColemanI read a post today on big national blog that bothered me a little. Okay, maybe more than a little; enough to post a comment, and write about it.

It was about Willow Smith’s new song and how one parent was so disturbed that a 12, almost 13 year old was singing about a summer crush on some boy.

Without admitting to my age, I grew up in the 80’s, so I am no new school parent.

But I remember going to my grandmother’s house for the summers. It was great because she lived in this quaint little neighborhood in the suburbs of Boston, chock full of kids.

We would walk to the park to play in the fountains, play kickball in the street, take a bus to the mall to buy Will Smith records and do all kinds of wonderful things I couldn’t do back home.

Continue reading Momma Please

I Think: Honesty

By: Mia L. Hazlett
2/5/13

How do you get through it…divorce that is? Honesty. You have to be honest with yourself and the role you played in the demise of the happiness that once existed between you and your spouse. The most honest thing I can say about my marriage as a Christian, it was not God’s plan, it was mine. All mine. I wanted to get married because I was pregnant. All three of us were going to have the same last name. It’s as simple as that. I got married for a last name, which is now, not the last name I use.

It wasn’t just some magical idea that popped in my head when I found out I was pregnant. This was the way I was raised; you marry the father of your children. It wasn’t even something I gave a second thought. However, I hold myself completely responsible for not investigating if he was raised with the same values. It was unprotected sex, prior to truly getting to know the important details about this person.

Therefore, we got married and had another daughter. That’s when my reality began to sink in that we were incompatible. Unfortunately, when you’re stubborn and bullheaded, it’s not your fault, it’s theirs. I patted myself on the back for being flawless, all the while waiting for him to change so he could be perfect like me. Unbelievably, it never happened. Somehow, my perfection wasn’t contagious, and I was falling out of love and no longer liked this imperfect stranger in my house.

At this point, close to four years separated, I accept that person for who he is. I’ve learned that God doesn’t make mistakes, humans do. Who he is, is who he is. Who I am, is who I am. He didn’t need to change to make me happy. I didn’t need to change to make him happy. We needed to stay true and honest to who we were. I chose to follow my heart and my plan to make things happily ever after…well that didn’t work so much. But as for staying with the honesty thing, we sure did make two beautiful daughters.