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Restored- Part I

By: Mia L. Hazlett

Whew. Over a year since I’ve been here. A lot can happen in a year. I finished a manuscript, am on the hunt for an agent, even traveled with my kids for a couple of weeks. But since my post The Other Side, I lost an incredible man, my father. For a while, my life was unreal. I functioned, but I wasn’t living. The one man in my life who showed me unconditional love, was gone.

Within two weeks, my divorced was finalized and I also lost the first man I ever loved. But as much as I wanted to make it all about me, my daughters’ parents divorced and they lost their graenhanced-30048-1496342942-3ndfather.  I had to be their rock and comforter.

As time went on, I put a wall around myself. The pain of losing my father and divorcing my husband, was almost crippling. I made a vow to protect myself. Never again would I entertain the thought of love. I was a wonderful mother and maybe, just maybe, that’s all God wanted me to be.

I love when I think back to when I make my own plans in my life. They very rarely work out the way I imagine them, but stubborn me keeps making them. So I was on this path to Aloneville, and an old friend (20+) years reached out to me. We had been in touch through Facebook and even seen each other since then, but our timing really didn’t line up to where I could handle someone in my life. I shut him out and allowed three more years to pass.

Our reconnection was instant. It was as though three years had only been three days. You see, when this man first appeared back in my life, I was at my lowest and most vulnerable. I was unemployed, living in my friend’s house, and absolutely broke. I remember our first call after 20 years like it was yesterday, but there was one thing he said that continues to ring true, “I’m a restorer. I’m here to restore you,” he said. Fast forward three years, and here we are.

As we tread lightly in the early stages of our relationship, I’ve realized relationships based on the foundations of friendship, respect and love, do not hurt. None of these qualities existed in my marriage. And when you fool yourself to think you’re in love with someone when existing in a toxic relationship, you confuse hate for love. You build walls because you now equate pain with love.

People have always said, “love hurts.” No it doesn’t. Lying, that hurts. Disrespect, that hurts. Being taken for granted, that hurts. But love. Love has never hurt me. And through all my trials and storms, love has been restored.

Achieving Your Destiny –  Part VI

Mia L. Hazlett

Success requires an accountability manager. Who are they? They are the person who will hold you accountable for doing what you say you are going to do. I unaccountability-businessderstand Part V was about silence, but believe it or not, you can be your worst obstacle. Sometimes you are okay with failing yourself. Your accountability manager will not allow failure to be an option.
Who is my accountability manager? My BFF. Is it because she’s my BFF? Not at all. She possesses the characteristics accountability managers require.

1. Set and achieved personal and professional goals.
2. Does not sugarcoat criticism.
3. Has failed and overcome obstacles, both personally and professionally.
4. Can encourage you, based on experience.
5. Has celebrated your past accomplishments.

All of these characteristics are essential if your accountability manager is going to be effective.

1. Why would you take advice from someone with no goals, or if they have them, has never achieved them? My BFF can relate to me when I get impatient. Yup, waiting for things to pass is my downfall. But my BFF is able to say, “Remember when I said I wanted to move, it’s taken a year for the full cycle to happen. Be patient.” She had a relevant story she could refer to, when I was looking for the immediate gratification.

2. My BFF is organic with honesty. I don’t know why. She knows I enjoy processed artificially flavored treats, but it doesn’t stop her. You need someone who is going to tell you the truth, your feelings aside. They are not there to crush your dreams. They are there to make sure you are doing what you said you would do. “So what you’re saying is you want to write books that people will read, but you aren’t reading anything right now? Interesting.” Quite the jerk, but I heard salad is better than Pop Tarts.

3. They won’t join your pity party when you fail or come short of your desired results. When someone has failed, they are able to relate to how you’re feeling, but they can also show you how to get back on your feet. “So you really think it’s all over for you? You’re never going to find a job. This is it? You’re not the only unemployed person. But, I’ve never heard of someone getting a job from pouting. I’ve heard of someone not getting a job for pouting.” Completely organic, but spoken from someone who had moved from one city to another and experienced unemployment for some time. Empathy, not sympathy.

4. Have you ever talked to someone who has never “walked in your shoes”? They’re annoying as all hell. They become your cheerleaders when they don’t know why they are cheering. So when you hit a little bump on your way up, they can sympathize with you, but they can’t offer the advice of how to overcome the obstacle. They tend to encourage quitting. But if they have been “in your shoes” before, from the get-go, they can tell you it’s not going to be easy, some of the pitfalls they faced, and how to overcome them. “Being a single mother isn’t going to be easy, but you can do it. Cry when you need to cry, but remember not to be too hard on yourself. Kids don’t come with directions.”

5. HATERS! We all have them. Your accountability manager has to want you to achieve your dream as badly as you want to achieve it. The true measure if they genuinely want you to win, is when your winning will not benefit them in the least. “If you’re not going to say you’re a writer, I will.” That mean jerk was claiming my dreams for me.

You can try to make it by yourself, but with an accountability manager, you will have someone at the finish line to do some good yelling, screaming, and celebrating!

© 2016 Mia L. Hazlett

The Other Side

Mia LNature_Mountains_Snow-capped_mountains_on_the_horizon_030168_. Hazlett

After 7 years of separation and battling the courts for a simple court date, my storm ended last week.  While our eighteen year relationship will continue, our twelve year marriage came to an end.

Throughout the years of our separation it has been a constant emotional storm for me.  I’m not the person who stays friends with the ex.  It’s not who I am.  If we’re over, we’re over.  I have enough friends in my life; I don’t need to start adding exes to that list.

But this guy.  I’m stuck with this guy.  We have two beautiful daughters together and every Sunday for a few hours, he shows up.  For birthday parties and Christmas, he’s there.  That’s how co-parenting works.  That’s how the love for our children works.  And we do love our children.  Because we love them, we even attempted reconciliation for a few months here and there. But I realized I had moved on in my life.  God was moving me forwards, not backwards.

The misconception that many people have is that divorce is easy.  It’s not.  Even though we’ve had years of separation, we’ve also been a part of each others’ lives for almost two decades.  I get it; there are a massive amount of couples who have to have a strict court order in able to function through the parenting aspect of the relationship.

We didn’t want a court to dictate the relationship with our children or with each other for that matter.  We sat next to each other laughing and joking in the courtroom. We battled emotions and discussed not going through with it, but I thought God finally put me here after 7 years.  We stood outside for an hour after being evacuated for a bomb scare.  We both shared the same feeling, “maybe this is a sign.”

It wasn’t.  We returned to the courtroom and our 12 years ended in less than 10 minutes.  It was heartbreaking, and I allowed my heart to break for a week.  But then I shut down the pity party and began making plans for THE OTHER SIDE.

© 2016 Mia L. Hazlett

Yes You Can

By: Mia L. Hazlett


There was this night that come about in my marriage when my husband and I separated. I was devastated. The only thing that came to mind was, how am I going to do this by myself? “This”, was how do I raise my daughters alone. I automatically put myself in every stereotypical statistical category and felt hopeless. What would I do as a single black divorced mother? How would I survive? How would I raise them to not become like me? What was going to happen? I even researched stories about marital and professional success of women raised without fathers. Every hope and dream I had for my daughters went out the window the night I stood over them as their single mother.

As I reflect six years later, that night is not laughable, but memorable. I had reason to fear and be concerned for my daughters’ future. It was not my plan to raise my daughters by myself. But it wasn’t just about raising them, it was about surviving on a single income. How? I had seen two of my closest friends confront this struggle and in my eyes perform flawlessly. Even though throughout the years I saw their tears and listened to their pain, I knew they had so much more strength than I did.

Continue reading Yes You Can

Achieving Your Destiny – V

Achieving Your Destiny- Part V
By: Mia L. Hazlett

Step IV – Silence

I know when you are working towards your destiny it’s exciting. At least for me it was. If someone got me talking about my book, I would go on and on. The thing was, we weren’t on the same path. At the time I wrote my book, I was unemployed and living (at the beginning of the book, in Texas at my friend’s and then at my parents’ house.) Trust me when I say times were beyond stressful and difficult, but writing was my peace in the torrential hurricane which was my life.

But even though I was so excited about my book, no one else was. I had this little bit of light in my dark tunnel, but everyone had shaped out my priorities for me. As if getting a job and finding my own place for me and my daughters wasn’t a priority. So because of what others had to say about me and my dream, I quit on my dream for a while. I conformed to the little box they lived their lives in and became more miserable.

But a passionate desire to fulfill my destiny could not be stopped. I continued to write my book. This time I did it silently. It was nobody’s business how I made myself happy. I found in my silence, people all of a sudden became interested in my book. They were used to me talking about it and now I had nothing to say. I began to realize, they didn’t care about my actual book, they cared if I had achieved or failed. I remained silent. My achievement or failure was none of their business.

Continue reading Achieving Your Destiny – V

Achieving Your Destiny – Part IV

Achieving Your Destiny- Part IV
By: Mia L. Hazlett

Step III – Baby Steps

One of my big mistakes in pursuing my dream of becoming a best-selling author, was making Step 1- Write a Book. That’s HUGE. I struggled for months with the feeling that I wasn’t moving ahead. I was moving ahead because I was writing, but when I couldn’t write for whatever reason, I felt like I was failing.

Writing a book is immeasurable until you actually hold the physical book. That could take months, or in my case years.
1. Cut your plan into daily steps.
2. Get out a calendar. Not an electronic calendar, an actually calendar you can physically write on with a pen.
3. Hang this calendar in a place where you will see it every day.

Continue reading Achieving Your Destiny – Part IV

Achieving Your Destiny: Part III

Achieving Your Destiny: Part III
By: Mia L. Hazlett

Step II – Write Down Your Fears

I believe the most powerful thing that can happen to you is having your dreams come true. It strengthens your faith and creates a process for achievement at the same time. But I think many people struggle with their dreams when they face rejection or when facing stillness. If they don’t get the job or go on the second date, that’s it!! They’re not going on another interview or dating anymore. Or if they’ve done what they need to do, hearing nothing is the worst thing. There is some saying about patience being a virtue.

This is why it is just as important to write down your fears. Number one it’s okay to be scared and two it allows you to figure out how you are going to overcome your obstacles. If you operate with an arrogance that achieving your dreams is going to be easy and without obstacles, you are going to take the hardest fall when faced with adversity.

Continue reading Achieving Your Destiny: Part III