There comes a time after the dust has settled after separation/divorce, when dating enters the equation. For me, I needed to know whom I wanted, before I proceeded down this slippery slope. I had never dated with kids before. I remember talking to one of my friends and she was surprised I was looking for a man who had been divorced and had kids. “Why do you want someone with all that baggage?” she asked.
I don’t think she realized the insult, because ultimately she was thinking of this potential man in my life, rather than recognizing, I was going through a divorce and I had kids. Understand, she is not the first person I have heard refer to those with kids and an ex-wife/husband as having “baggage”. I prefer someone who has walked in similar footsteps as mine, because it simply means we’ve been presented with life’s similar challenges.
I don’t deem someone ready to be in an adult relationship if they can’t deal with someone’s past, not baggage, but their past. Kids are a part of some marriages or relationships. If someone tells me they have been married and have kids, it tells me they made some major adult decisions. So they didn’t work out, I get that too. They took a risk and it didn’t work.
For me, I much rather attempt to find chemistry with someone who has a decent relationship with their ex if they’ve had children with them. It shows a level of maturity and of respect. It shows they know how to forgive and move on from their past. And I know, they will never see my children as baggage, but as a part of my life that took place before I met them.
Copyright © 2014 Mia L. Hazlett