Then about six months ago things went from unfortunate to unbearable.
Those events left me with major bitterness and oppressive anger that I could not shake. Although I had figured out how to cope; it was just buried right under the surface and really didn’t take much to set it off.
Because I was so angry I was not willing to confront the source of my anger, I wanted nothing to do with him. Which worked out fine because for a good long time he was as the kids say “in the wind”.
So then Mother’s Day came and went and the bitterness began to flare again. So in typical “Jennifer” fashion I googled “how to let go of anger” and I found a few really helpful articles like this one; 20 Things to Do When You’re Feeling Angry with Someone.
What I learned was I needed to;
* Really understand exactly what I was angry about
* Constructively present that anger to the person it belongs with
This is stupid right? Typical angry person response.
So I wrote and wrote everything he did that I was mad about.
Then I started crossing out the things that didn’t feel like things I was currently mad about. These were mostly things in the past that I had already for the most part let go of. But they ended up on the list because well… I was making a list of things he did to me.
So then I had to edit.
Amazingly I got down to three main things that were the real sources of my current anger.
Then I had to figure out what, if anything he could do to begin to make amends. Once I figured that out, I had my list of demands,
So I memorized my two list, practiced them aloud in the car and the called “the enemy”. This was the biggest step for me because I call him for NOTHING!
I tell him I am finally ready to talk. He say okay, and he’s been expecting this would happen eventually.
I rattle off my things, and explain my demands.
I get agreement, and end the call.
I don’t know how that was helped, but I feel so much better.
I realize there is so much more healing to go but that was a huge start.
Since that day I have not thought once of his demise, or blamed him for my unhappiness.
It’s as if I handed the anger to him. “Here! This has been my burden; it’s yours now.”
I feel free to move forward.