What I Know About: First Break-ups

Teens and BreakupsYeah, I’m a little old to be talking about first break ups, but I do feel like I just went through one. My teenage daughter just had her first date, first boyfriend and first break up in the span of about 2 weeks, and let me tell you it was HELL on me!

Let me start by saying that this all began with the fact that she told me that he asked her out and asked my permission to go. As a mother this both warmed my heart and struck it with fear.  I think I asked all the right questions. Who is this boy? What are his parents/ family like? Does he go to church?

To this she began to go on and on about how wonderful this boy was and how worthy of her company he might potentially be. She wanted to go on this date to spend time with him and try and understand if he was the kind of boy that I have always instilled in her that she should insist on.

A week later she had decided he was, and proceeded to be his “girlfriend”.  Again the panic set in, but I tried very hard to never let her see me sweat. I soon learned that “girlfriend” means he calls her and texts her nonstop, and they walk to the train together.  Okay, I can deal with that.

But a week of this madness had gone by, and I still had not met this boy yet. So Halloween was coming and I would get my chance. He was having a party at his house. Of course she can go I am a “concerned” parent and I want to know who my kid is hanging out with. So I drove her to the party, walked in and met his mom, and his family, but he sort of just dashed by with a quick hello. She told me mom, don’t worry, he’s getting ready for the party, I will introduce you when you pick me up tonight”.

By the time I got back to the party to pick her up, the relationship was over. She got in the car holding back the tears.
It wasn’t until the next morning that I got the whole scoop. As she told me about it, she was crying, I was crying, I wanted to go and beat this boy… it was a mess. But bottom line this boy was being immature, insecure and just a plain jerk to my baby girl. She recognized that this was shaping up to be a potentially unhealthy relationship, so she confronted him and SHE broke it off, because he was not treating her the way she expected to be treated. I know some adults that don’t have that kind of nerve.
That day I learned a few things

  • I can trust my daughter to make good decisions
  • She is listening to what I tell her and watching what I’m doing
  • Her self esteem and self worth are in tact

It’s been about 2 weeks since the break up and the crying has subsided, her and the boy are friends again, he is already begging her to “take him back” But when I asked her, so what are you going to do? She told me, we are just going stay friends, I know how he is now, and I don’t really need that right now”.

Talking to your teen about dating


One thought on “What I Know About: First Break-ups”

  1. Where’s he at? Where’s his momma at? You have done an exceptional job with your daughters. And please know the three things that you learned were seeds you planted long ago, she did not end up this way by accident. You watered and nutured and now you can enjoy the young lady that has blossomed into a responsible teen.


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