What I’ve Learned: Lessons from a bigot

By. Jennifer Texada

Got into another heated debate with a single man that will remain nameless, about women and how he feels about us in general. His perspective goes something like this. “Every time something bad in my life has happened a woman has been in the room.” He went on to include gems like “Women never do anything for you, they are only out to use men.”He ended that sentence with “except you” What a charmer.

I felt like for a moment I was talking to a bigot. If he had replaced “woman” with “the N word” in every sentence he would have sounded like a klan member. I have heard people of other races say to me…Blacks are this and blacks are that, but not you, you are different. This did not make me feel any better about the statements. I still take them to heart and an insult to my people, still feels like an insult to me. My race, my gender, my family, my hometown…

When I could not take it anymore, and went straight into defensive mode. I

  • pointed out the flaws in his reasoning
  • mentioned that I had men were not so flawless either, and
  • every time these “bad things” happened there were two people in the room, the evil bad woman and HIM!

In hind sight, I was wrong. I have seen the skinheads on Maury, and that approach never works!I should have just told him how sad I feel for him. That his way of life is only damaging him, and his potential for happiness. Those people who hurt him have won for as long as he allows this way of thinking hold him back. They have stolen his faith in half of mankind, and if they are all as bad as he says they are, the do not deserve that privilege.

Then I realized… is this what I sound like when I am mad at my ex? I have sat around with girlfriends and talked about how men stink, or why they do some of the awful things they do. I don’t really think that all men stink. Despite my negative experiences, I think that there are some wonderful men out there in the world. Ones that are responsible and smart and do an excellent job taking care of their families.

Thank you…you know who you are… for you bigoted opinion of an entire gender, and your willingness to share your venomous hatred with me. I have been self checked. I will from now on try my best not to participate in man bashing sessions. I see first hand the kind of damage this behavior can do in a life.

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